Alive in a Box

So I finally wrote the Cinderella story in one of my character's voices.

It--didn't end up strictly following the challenge. But I can't say that it's inaccurate. Freak.

So Raven's is over here.

I can't explain it. Just. Yeah.

I PASSED!

Also thank you so much to everyone who has encouraged me these past couple weeks, and the givers of the Millicon package, because WOW did that make yesterday so much less horrific than it might otherwise have been.

I love you all.

Why is it not tomorrow yet?

At this point I have done my reading, and reviewing, and playing 20 questions vs the slides in order to try to anticipate what sorts of things the bossmen will ask me, and I am glad of that.

Now it is all tweaking the slides in a fit of twitchiness, and going back over tiny details that I think I might possible get backwards.

Oh, and going over the handful of equations I don't quite trust myself to have memorized.

So, really, this next 26 hours are gonna be the death of me.

And then I will get drunk.

Or RP.

Or get drunk and RP. All. Night. Long.

Or sleep.

One of those. Yes.

I'm pretty much in line with where I wanted to be (pending boss-discussion tomorrow) in terms of my orals on July 25. But. I can't help being nervous (and by nervous I mean totally panicked, by the way), because bossman has a way of throwing curveballs.

I mean, there's still a couple references I want to hunt up in my pursuit of understanding the band-structure and elemental physics regarding polymer conductivity (and metallic conductivity, really), but for the most part I've got some helpful articles about that kind of thing, and just need to review them.

Same for polymer physical properties and the basics of phase separation, kinetics, thermodynamics, etc. Just. I dunno. It seems so HUGE, even though I know what I need to look for, and things. Not to mention prepping the presentation and attempting to close up/explain/advance the weaknesses/problems in my research so far. It--I think that's the part that scares me most. I mean, the background info I can learn (or relearn, as the case may be--refresh, lets say), but if my work and understanding of my work and explication of my work are sub-par, I'm fucked.

And I feel like I've not made enough progress in ANY of the fields I've been working in. It. Well, it's not a good feeling, and it might not even be an accurate one. I mean, the last time someone was told 'hey, not enough experimental stuff, here', he knew about it (hell, everyone knew about it practically) way before he even did his oral presentation/grilling thing. I think. As I recall. So. I mean. I don't know. I just feel like maybe I've been wasting all my time here, and that maybe I should have done something else with my life.

I'll get over it, I think.

I hope.

God I want to pass.

Nightbane is, like, my new favorite thing ever.

Seriously.

Even the creepy/horrific is fun.

Though so far it's mostly happened to other people.

Yay?

It is almost lunchtime.

I am in the downstairs wet lab doing zone-casting.

Wow.

This is thrilling.

Also the furnace computer is password locked, and the people who know the password are nowhere to be found.

Goddammit.

So Rami had this quiz, right?

And then I took it.

Ehehe. *blink*

The results were . . .

( very odd )

Weird, huh?

Man.

Okay.

Dude.

Characterbleed sucks. Especially when it's not characterbleed but you flailing over something your idiot pup has done.

Stupid Bird.

I am full of hate.

Well. I am a moron. And yet oddly grateful.

The problem I've been having with my reaction? Wherein it wasn't working? TOTALLY MY FAULT. Because I was mixing together a halogen-terminated thingummy with a nucleophile, and WHOOPS, SUBSTITUTION AHOY, YO.

*facepalms again*

But now, armed with a new technique and advice about the order in which to add components, I am good to go.

*crosses fingers*

Now if only boss hadn't e-mailed me about my monthly report. Heh. I guess I can just finish it up and turn it in today with the caveat of 'I think I have figured out the problem, I shall let you know how it goes tomorrow'.

Here's hoping.

Why do I play the characters I do?

Let's start with the easiest, first.

Maida
I have, it appears, a Thing for corbae, and the crow girls are essentially the epitome of that breed, at least for me. Maida is silly and fun and rambly, and while it takes thought to play her, in general she does not come in for much angst or drama (though note I do not say 'never'). One of my favorite parts is the interaction between Maida and Zia, and how they sort of conversationally run roughshod over people, leaving them both smiling and kind of going 'huh?' at the same time. That, and they encourage random tagging, because really, they can talk to almost anyone.

Aslan
As we will come to see as I go through my character list, I have a type. And by type I mean cryptic and powerful old things that tend to have animal bodies, ahahaha. *facepalms* But really I like Aslan for his ability to be gentle but firm, to tell other people the things they need to hear, and that are comforting only in the fact that he believes you can do them. I never quite manage to get across what I'm really trying for with him, because damn is the Lion complex, but it's a lot of fun trying. I think I get closer sometimes more than others, and not all those times involve the other Narnian pups, which is a more than pleasant surprise.

Xas
Xas is fun to play for two reasons. 1) He is the only one of my pups that flirts and will put out, so it's an entirely new dynamic to play, and while I am occasionally *eyes Thom-thread in particular* embarrassed about what is IC for him, it makes me stretch my RP-skills, which is always good. 2) His personality in any given conversation (except possibly a few with Lucifer, and maaaaaybe part of one with Thom?) is a reflection of what he thinks the other person wants to see, what they'll best respond to. And sometimes he's incredibly vicious and things, which I probably have no explored as much as I meant to--in part because no one has spurred him to that kind of reaction. I figure if I play him more, 's only a matter of time.

Avar
The dynamic of hurt and forgiveness but not self-forgiveness in the s'Ffalenn line is both beautiful and painful, and I enjoy playing the familial interactions between Avar and Arithon, Avar and Bianca, and for great wtf woe and weirdness between Avar and the woman who is not Meara. Plotting the building of a spaceship with Wellard is also hella fun. Though I think Avar has been a lot more traumatized by the bar and events therein than I've shown him. He. Well. One day I will write an OOM with him in his room, and we will all see how well he's really coping with things.

Erin Fray
Oh, Erin, what can I say about you. She is, quite possibly, the character that contains the most bits of me, and that is largely becasue I, too, am an older sister with a younger sibling who is energetic and insane and whom I stare at and go 'wtf WHY ARE YOU SO CARELESS', etc. I like her attitude, her 'been there, done that, stfu I don't wanna talk about it', the way she envies Mel and even Harth a little, because they didn't have to be the grown-up when their parents died. I like her pragmatism, and her determination, and the fact that she does have a cause, she is one of the good guys, and she's a very complicated and emotional woman who manages to hide at least one of those very very very well. And as a shout-out to Debi, Broder/Erin 4evah!!!1!!. Except for not really, because I seriously think that with all the events of Fray canon she is WAY too busy for dating. And Broder is not big on the convenience fucking. Anyway. Yeah. Moving on.

Nynaeve
I like her temper, and the way she is constantly striving for control and never quite gets there. It's a challenge to play, because I'm shit at descriptions and yet so much of her reaction in a situation is physical. Nynaeve's body language is incredibly important. I like the fact, too, that she has such determination, such drive, such strength of will, and that she'll do what she has to, every time. I like the complications of her relationship with Moiraine, and the way I have to write her dealing with the fact that every time she introduces herself, someone is like 'Oh, by the way, your nemesis and I are great friends. She's a lovely woman, really." And Nynaeve is like "ARGH SHUT UP" Except lately she's been more amused/resigned to it than anything. I enjoy the way the bar is letting her grow a bit, letting her become more the no-nonsense and capable Wisdom that she was early on in canon, before she got swept up in stuff she's still not comfortable with. So. Growth and temper, yes. Shut up, I'm shallow.

ed'Rashtekaresket
And people said it couldn't be done, pssssh. Okay, aside from the gleeful squee that playing the lake shark gives me, I absolutely adore Ed. His pragmatism, the way that he is creepy without trying (except when he's being deliberately creepy, which happens a lot less than you'd think), his hunger. I think the biggest challenge, for me, in playing him, is managing that creepiness, that dispassion that he has in canon, while balancing that with the incredible sacrifice he made at the end of it. And, you know, giant shark. That never gets old.

Raven
There is almost no situation I cannot throw him in, almost no pup he cannot manage a conversation with, and no end to how confusing he can be. And while yes, sometimes it feels like his character is (or should be) bigger than my head can hold, even in the midst of woe I do not stop having fun with him. Because he does play tricks, but he also helps, and he can go from being absolutely ridiculous to being incredibly serious in a heartbeat. I love that kind of quickchange, really a lot. It's a challenge to play, and to make plausible. So.

And also, you know, he likes to eat eyeballs and other dead things. (Remember, too, earlier I was talking about types. He was the first of his kind in my head, but not the last! *facepalms again*)

So, to sum up. They each make me play different reactions, and they make me stretch my writing abilities. They are also truly satisfying to play, and I like to think I manage to improve each time I bring them out.