Two weeks until judgement day, or WHY DID I WANT TO GO TO GRAD SCHOOL?

[varadia]

I'm pretty much in line with where I wanted to be (pending boss-discussion tomorrow) in terms of my orals on July 25. But. I can't help being nervous (and by nervous I mean totally panicked, by the way), because bossman has a way of throwing curveballs.

I mean, there's still a couple references I want to hunt up in my pursuit of understanding the band-structure and elemental physics regarding polymer conductivity (and metallic conductivity, really), but for the most part I've got some helpful articles about that kind of thing, and just need to review them.

Same for polymer physical properties and the basics of phase separation, kinetics, thermodynamics, etc. Just. I dunno. It seems so HUGE, even though I know what I need to look for, and things. Not to mention prepping the presentation and attempting to close up/explain/advance the weaknesses/problems in my research so far. It--I think that's the part that scares me most. I mean, the background info I can learn (or relearn, as the case may be--refresh, lets say), but if my work and understanding of my work and explication of my work are sub-par, I'm fucked.

And I feel like I've not made enough progress in ANY of the fields I've been working in. It. Well, it's not a good feeling, and it might not even be an accurate one. I mean, the last time someone was told 'hey, not enough experimental stuff, here', he knew about it (hell, everyone knew about it practically) way before he even did his oral presentation/grilling thing. I think. As I recall. So. I mean. I don't know. I just feel like maybe I've been wasting all my time here, and that maybe I should have done something else with my life.

I'll get over it, I think.

I hope.

God I want to pass.

Comments

[badninja.livejournal.com]

I'm sure you'll do well. And I'll be thinking of you.

[varadia]

Thanks.

I'll be thinking of you, too, sweets.

*hugs TIGHT*

[buongiornodaisy.livejournal.com]

Seconded.

It's normal to feel this way before something big, normal but not nice to feel. I don't think this means you're going to fail. You work hard and you've got friends who will support you, so even if you panic you have a nice comfy cushion to flop on. ;)

*hugs*

[varadia]

*clings*

Thanks. I just get so nervous, and like 'omg what if I forget to look over the one thing they decide to grill me on omg omg omg'.

Which I know is ridiculous. But still.

[lyricality.livejournal.com]

Obviously? You need snuggles. And pie. Pie made of COOKIES.

*gives you all these things, and then gives you even more love, and then gives you a passing grade as well*

♥&hearts♥ I know you can do it. ^^

[varadia]

*LOVES BACK*

*and scarfs down cookie-pie*

Thanks, sweets. <3

*clings*

[innerbrat]

You rock.

Remember this. Remember you rock and are awesome and are going to pass.

We all love you a lot.

[varadia]

*basks in the love*

Thanks. Yes. Rocking and passing. That is totally my job description.

*loves the Debi*

[lunamystic]

I'm rooting for you, m'dear. Just remember to breathe. *loves and flings good wishes your way*

[varadia]

*loves back and clings*

Breathing, check.

Thanks, sweets.

Some hopefully comforting rambles

[rymenhild.livejournal.com]

Not long before my orals, someone gave me a piece of wisdom she'd had from someone else before her orals. It went like this: "If your committee thought you weren't going to pass the exam, they would have rescheduled it by now."

Seriously, I know nothing at all about polymer conductivity. I do, however, know that all the graduate students I've ever met, including me, have at times been utterly convinced that we didn't know enough of the material, that we haven't made enough progress, that we didn't belong in grad school, etc etc. Panic two weeks before quals is normal, or, well, universal, and yeah. Soon enough the exams will happen, and soon enough after that your friends will be celebrating with you and getting you drunk, and this too shall pass.

Re: Some hopefully comforting rambles

[varadia]

Yay drunk!

*clings*

Thanks. I know it's a universal thing, I just--gah. Bossman is scary. Which doesn't help.

You're right, though.

*focuses on the fact that in two weeks it will be over*

[silveraspen]

*points upward at what others have said, especially rymenhild*

Yes. This too shall pass, and so will you. Breathe, dear, and know that you have a standing offer of ear and shoulder.

Online or off. For you, I will even attach the headset to my phone and wander around with it. :)

[varadia]

Yay attached headset.

*loves*

Thanks. I might take you up on that. Gah, I am so bad with pressure!

*resolves to work on that*

[darthrami.livejournal.com]

I have Present for you!

...now I just have to mail it.

[varadia]

Yay present!

Boo shipping!

I say this because I am lazy and procrastinate. Why have we not discovered how to teleport yet?

[vivien]

Teleportation - Isn't that some nice experimental research you could look into? That would impress the hell out of the committee.

Seriously, I think this is a normal reaction to a highly stressful situation. Soon you'll pass and you'll look back and say "Wow, I was really stressed out!"

((((HUGS))))