Random poetry flinging

[varadia]

Could anyone tell me if they liked this? I need some commentary, because I'm not sure if it's working. Thanks.

Transient

There’s a voice on the wind
that speaks behind me
wearing a face that should be mine
and isn’t
a doubled reflection in a night-blackened window
mirroring me transparent
against a backdrop of street lamps
and headlights
and pavement
and the faintest trace of stars.

Comments

[caishinoth.livejournal.com]

There’s a voice on the wind
that speaks behind me
wearing a face that should be mine
and isn’t
a doubled reflection in a night-blackened window
mirrors me transparent
against a backdrop of street lamps
and headlights
and pavement
and the trace of stars.

I think that this way it flows better, Changing mirroring to mirrors, and taking out faintest. I really like this, those 2 places just didnt quite flow right to me.

See you soon I hope. ^^