Posting my poetry

[varadia]

I've been trying to fix this one up for a couple of weeks now, and I'm not getting anywhere--my revisions don't even feel as right as this version. I'm posting this in the hope that someone, somewhere, will see it and be able to tell me why it feels wrong.

Because days like these

So I’m standing outside
a hotel room wearing
patriotic flip flops
and a band aid I bought
at the grocery store
after I scraped my knee
on the edge of the car door
jumping out into the
parking lot and attempting to
keep my T-shirt covering
the back of my pants so
no one could see why I
needed an emergency
tampon stop

I think my wallet is in my pocket
but I may have left it on the plane
or in the cheap rental car
that I took a bus to get to
and probably need a bus to get back to
because I parked it as far
from the hotel as it could get
and still be in the same zip code

Either my wallet or the car
or both will be gone by the time
I wake up in the morning
And I would care only

I’ve been waiting here for
twenty minutes because
he handed me the key
and told me to put my stuff
in the room while he paid
the desk clerk and arranged
for a wake up call early
the next morning for both
of us even though I
have no pressing need to
get anywhere and he’ll
get up at six anyway
because his bladder is
regular as clockwork
which is something I feel
jealous of when I wake up
at two or three or four
or whenever the hell
I need to pee or get
a drink of water and
I can’t fall asleep again
for hours and I still have
to wake up at seven thirty
to go to work

Which doesn’t explain why
I’m waiting